I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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