Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
