Your dad touched me again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
