im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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