and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
