Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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