Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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