I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
