this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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