The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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