I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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