For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
