Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
