If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So drunk its hurt
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
