I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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