I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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