who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
