Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
