rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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