im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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