just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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