dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
