Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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