i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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