i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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