I am in a vortex of obligation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
