Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
