I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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