Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
where are my eyebrows?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
