Fine. I'll sleep in my office
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
