I cannot find my penis.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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