My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
