birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
