i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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