I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
