I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
