Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
