i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
