Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
