That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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