I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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