wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
