Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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