I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
