If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
