ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
