im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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