$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Who died my cat blue again?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
