just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
