I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
soo... how was my night?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
