They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
