Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
