you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
