I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
