I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
