apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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