Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
