im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
