Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
