Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
