i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
