i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Buhtt sex?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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