Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
