May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
