My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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