I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
