I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
