i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
